i would not think to touch the sky with two arms
by barbieroberts
Summary: "With Annika marrying the son of a shoe maker...My parents have found me a match. A suitor from when I was seventeen." Brietta says. "You know, technically, I'm thirty-four. I'm surprised he waited so long." ― Brietta/Rayla (The Cloud Queen)


" _Rummaging in our souls, we often dig up something that ought to have lain there unnoticed._ "  
― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

They hear of Wenlock, before he comes to them on his horrific griffin.

At first, it is a fairy story told to frighten children into behaving; the tale of the misguided baker's apprentice from far far away who sold his soul to the devil for greed and hasn't been seen since. Then, three kings from neighbouring kingdom form a temporary alliance because four princesses are kidnapped in the night without a trace, not even a broken window. There are rumours throughout the kingdom and then only one daughter returns, bloody and missing an arm, screaming and then this phantom has a name and no one can find him, which causes their tiny kingdom to panic. Brietta has never seen so many men since up for their small army in all her life. Finally, her father sends a captain of the guard to try and find him. Brietta realises, later, that this is how Wenlock learned of her, learned of their location. A dark part inside of her likes to imagine his execution, the way his head would roll.

When Rayla first finds her, Brietta has bleed into the snow overnight. A hunter mistook her for a low flying swan and had put his arrow through one of her wings. Being turned had felt as though her spine was being snapped, her body twisting into a creature that was unrecognizable, and her wings had been so heavy she could barely lift them off of the ground the first time. The wing - she doesn't call it hers, not until she had given up hope entirely - was almost bearable. The next time she sees her parents, she watches them hold Annika and considers throwing herself off of the highest tower in Cloud Kingdom and letting herself fall.

When they move South, the peasants burn down their old castle - along with all of her old possessions inside - for fear of witchcraft. Afterwards, all her mother and father had left of her was her birth certificate, and they hide that away so Annika could have a life. Brietta knows she will return there one day, just to see it, but not yet. She doesn't resent them.

"I don't want my sister thinking she's a replacement for me," Brietta whispers. "Don't speak of me to her, please. I'm begging you."

Her father nods, and her mother cries, and Brietta leaves for good that night.

The night after Brietta reunites with her parents, she cuts off most of her hair with her mother's sewing sisters because Wenlock had told her it was her best feature. She only stops cutting when image in her mirror is unrecognisable to the naive girl she once was, before Wenlock, before she left, before Annika saved her.

One thought persists: _The Cloud Queen was quite beautiful, don't you think?_

Brietta doesn't like to think about the past.

-:-

The tavern Adrien brings them to is cold, musky, and packed. Brietta's only here for one drink, something strong. Adrien had insisted on paying. He no longer gambles, but both she and Annika have learned that he can drink until the moon falls from the sky.

He's got more self control now, at least.

"Everyone needs a little bit of oblivion," he explains, passing her a glass. She's almost inclined to agree.

"I remember you! You were the prettiest princess, and then you were a pegasus," One of the patrons says, putting his hands on her shoulders, leering at her. "I do love a woman who can walk on all fours…"

Annika hits him in the face for that, Adrien puts in a word with the bartender, and the man leaves with two fewer teeth and a lifetime ban.

Brietta bites her lip to keep herself from crying. She can't remember the last time she could let herself rely on anyone else.

It feels almost like before.

-:-

Brietta comes back to Cloud King the night before Annika and Adrien's wedding. She knows that Rayla does not need sleep, not that Brietta has ever seen in the seventeen years they've known one another, and Brietta knows that those silver bells weren't a one time offer. She runs in, somehow still a little un-accustomed to walking. She almost trips on her skirts.

Rayla is sitting on her throne, her dress the colour of the wand of light. She's still as beautiful as the day Brietta first saw her.

"With Annika marrying the son of a shoe maker...My parents have found me a match. A suitor from when I was seventeen." Brietta says. "You know, technically, I'm thirty-four. I'm surprised he waited so long."

"And I am as old as the sky itself. You're changing the topic. What's wrong, Brietta? Do you want to marry him?" Rayla asks. It's a simple question, Brietta knows, but it's late and the moon is shining down on them. She feels as if she may trip on her tongue.

"I don't know. I suppose I'd always dreaded even the idea of marriage," Brietta says. "Swearing before God to love a man forever terrified me. Even before Wenlock...and after, I truly never thought I'd be human again. But they looked so happy…"

"What would make you happy?"

"I...I have always had an unnatural fondness for women." Brietta says in almost a whisper. "That part of me, the sick part...was almost glad when I was turned."

"It's not a sick part," Rayla tells her. "I feel it too."

"You do?" Brietta is shocked, honestly. "Who…"

"I've had many lovers, over the years," Rayla says. "You must've known how I felt for you."

"What do you...Oh," Brietta trails off, and kisses her, only once, almost on impulse.

"What about your prince?" Rayla asks.

"Who cares about a prince when I am in love with a goddess?"

Rayla laughs and Brietta feels as if she is flying again.

For the first time, she is looking forward to the future.


End file.
